Forgiveness Friday: I Forgive You, Humanity.

Dear Humanity,

I am one of you, although much of my life I have felt like an alien.  From my earliest memories, I have pondered you, and although I was always sure of love, I still always had this feeling that I didn’t quite fit in with you.  When I went to school I was sure of it, although there were glimpses here and there of those who understood me, or spoke my language… but I still struggled to be accepted by you and fit in.

I succeeded at one point, but that involved putting aside everything I believed in, and in the end, my heart won out even if I was alone.  But even though I have been true to my heart (for the most part) since my young adulthood, I have still been continually shocked by you.  Most of you don’t care.  Most of you are interested in your own agenda, even if you have to take advantage of someone else to get it.  Some of you are good-hearted and even worship God, but you still have your own agenda which still trumps everything and everyone in the end.  Some of you believe in violence and in harming others to express your anger, your religion, your hate… and you cause unspeakable pain to many.  Some of you are politicians who seek power over the weak, forgetting that you could be one of them in a heart beat.  Some of you will do anything for money, even kill babies or sell children or violate people’s dignity through pornography through some sort of lie of “free speech” or “choice.”

Some of you impress and inspire me… you make sacrifices and are misunderstood but carry on doing the right thing.  Some of you suffer with joy and patience.  Some of you are courageous and fight to protect the innocent or to defend our country from evil.  Some of you hold fast to your faith and pour out your life in the service of others.  Some of you have had a kind word to say in my moment of need, or helped me through my own suffering without counting the cost or thinking of yourself.  Some of you are generous with your time and your treasures, and there is nothing you wouldn’t do to help another.  Some of you have encouraged me and helped direct my thoughts in a positive direction without implying that I must be crazy to have such dreams….

I count myself among both groups… I have had my own agendas, I have forgotten about others I know who may be suffering, I have let my own hurt or exhaustion with some groups get in the way of doing more to protect the innocent, I have fretted about money… And I have also poured myself out at times to help others even at the detriment of my better interest, I have tried to be as generous as possible with what I have, and I have tried to encourage anyone I thought might need it…

But as for all of us, one fact remains.  We all let each other down, some of us more than others, because none of us is God.  While I have honestly in my heart not quite reconciled yet with any of you who would dare harm children, I can say to the rest of you, thank you for reminding me that you are not God, and neither am I.

I get disillusioned when I think that people who worship God might possibly resemble a holy person, when I expect people to see what I see or hunger for what I hunger for, when I see hypocrisy everywhere, when I expect people to be grateful for the freedoms they DO have instead of constantly pushing the line to perversity… I get disillusioned when people can’t seem to see logic, when families argue over trivial items that are so unimportant, when loved ones value material possessions over each other, when the world values ‘control’ and ‘safety’ over human life, when so many people are paralyzed with either fear or indifference.

But what do I expect?  We are not God, and we are not perfect.  We will mess up.  We are all sheep, even if some of us have a little more between the ears in the way of truth… but we are still all sheep, from death row to the Pope.  And so therefore, I forgive you.

I mess up too.   Some of you have not cut me slack.  And I have not cut slack sometimes either.  But that’s because our forgiveness is not perfect… but at least it’s an attempt at love.  Forgive me.

I don’t know what will become of you, Humanity… we’re quite a messed up family.  There are divisions everywhere.  But we don’t have to let it stay that way.  For once, could you care, just a little, about someone else?  For once, could you open your eyes to the truth and put aside your infatuation with death?  For once, could you realize that all those material things that you cling to even in your winter years are passing away like dust?  For once, could you please value your loved ones and realize that every second they are here on this earth is a gift, more of a gift then your ambitions and schedules and appetite?

Humanity, with the exception of the blessings in my life of loving people who care, many of you have abandoned me… but I forgive you and I am grateful, because you have helped me point my eyes in the right direction: UP to God… and down, to the baby in my lap and in my womb… and around, to those who are in my life for a reason.  I won’t try to force you, Humanity, to GET IT.  But I assure you, one day you will.

And so will I.

Your estranged family member,

shalimamma

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