I forgive you. I truly do. It is not easy to do it but I am trying to be a better Christian and that requires forgiving people that the very thought of makes my blood boil. I am (really) only human.
So, I forgive you.
I forgive you for turning from me when I was in a time of crisis in my life. When those closest to me turned on me, you offered me a safe haven and I thank you. I went, never expecting that you, whom I trusted, would turn my haven into a pit of despair worse than that which I had left I forgive you for chastising me to the extreme when what I needed was compassion and understanding.
I forgive you for not recognizing my depression and anxiety for the true disorder that it is. I have always felt that with your credentials, you should have been able to recognize some of the signs of it and to get me the help that I needed. Instead, you threw the Church in my face and Aliens on the television and scared me off my faith for years.
When I later had my beautiful oldest baby, you shunned me. I understand now that you were bitter from your own loss of a child and for your loss, I am sorry, but at the time, I was so wrapped up in my own world of watching my baby breathing via a machine, and feeding her with a syringe and tube through her nose, to really grasp your pain. I am sorry that all I could feel was the pain and terror of my whole world turning upside down and inside out. I am sorry that I did not understand that you were simply lashing out at me in your own anger and pain.
I forgive you for leaving a terrible stain on the spotless white of the day of our daughter’s First Communion. I went against our instincts and authorized you to come and visit. I invited you into the bosom of my family and friends to celebrate this amazing moment. Sadly, you chose to bring your personal agenda and complaints against our family to our celebration. The words that you said to us all that day and the effect that they had could not be erased, nor can they or your actions, be forgotten. However, you are forgiven for your words and actions that day.
I forgive you for choosing to elevate one of my children over the others. I understand that you feel she is special and she absolutely is. She is amazing and special and no one knows that more than her father and I. HOWEVER, we also have 2 other small miracles that walk through our lives every day and keep us awake at night. We have 3 children and each one of them is special and amazing in her own individual way. We DO NOT elevate one above the other. They all get the same level of love and attention that any scatterbrained parent with more than 1 child can give. Therefore, I forgive you for treating our oldest as better than the rest. I do ask, however, that if you send birthday/Christmas presents for one, you send presents for all of their respective birthdays and Christmas. I do think that is only fair to all of them.
Most of all, I forgive you for your constant, insidious slandering of my husband and I to our oldest daughter. I do not think that anyone should ever speak badly of a child’s parents to or around that child. However, you have chosen to do this continuously, in spite of our attempts to stop this without severing ties. Please understand, that, while we forgive you for your actions and your words that have severely damaged the relationship that we have with my grandmother and yourself, we cannot allow this negativity to continue in our lives.
Maybe that is what God is trying to tell me. That not all families get along. That it is okay to pray for a family member while severing contact. For, while I cannot imagine the pain that you have gone through (and the Lord does), you cannot imagine the pain and trials that my husband and I have gone through (again, though, the Lord does). You think that we live a life of sin and sit in judgment of my husband and me to our child. I forgive you for this. I forgive you for being unable to remove the plank from your eye. I pray that God leads you to the Mirror of His Love so that you can see your way to forgiveness.