I had a dream Easter night… and I believe it was providential.
We were graced with the most exquisite company of dear friends on Easter Sunday, and a certain conversation we had led me to meditate on forgiveness as I was falling asleep. Later that night, this is what I dreamt:
I was at a large conference. It was a certain company selling some ‘new, revolutionary’ item that would change your life. The people were warm and friendly, and they welcomed me with open arms.
The colors and details of my dream were bright and vivid, and that always gets my attention…
I was going around to different ‘booths’ where they would show me some new way the product had changed their life, and the more people I talked to, the more I heard how I would be perfect for this group. They talked about my gifts and talent for sales, and started inviting me to their homes for various parties, putting dates in their little calendars, because we were all so excited about the product.
At some point, I ended up being welcomed by one particular group within the group, and they were the successful ones, the ones who had taken the business farther than most of the others. I got the idea that I was supposed to recognize how ‘important’ they were. I asked lots of questions, and tried to learn as much as I could about the product.
Over time, I began to discover that something was not matching up… people would contradict each other as far as what exactly the product was. I was originally told it was a small pill… but I soon discovered that it was a series of painful injections, which came in this multi-colored bag of needles, that you would take daily. I began to think, I don’t want to be poking needles inside myself every day! They seemed to be uncomfortable that I had ‘revealed the needle thing’ as they preferred that you joined the company before knowing all the details. But being a person of honesty, I asked rather loudly in the conference room, “How do can you guys handle these injections?” I got disappointed looks from the “successful leaders” so I moved on to a different group and started asking them how their lives had been changed by the product. They started raving about how they had lost so much weight and felt wonderful. But interestingly, I noticed that they… didn’t appear to have lost any weight, to put it frankly (it’s a dream, afterall ;)) So I started thinking, I am not sure I want to invest in this product, and I started to make my way out of the building.
That’s when things became interesting.
Every time I would start to move towards the door, someone new would introduce themselves to me in a very friendly way, and I would become reinterested. But then, I would discover that there was no substance to their claims and try to leave. And then again, someone new would intersect my journey to leave and I would get reabsorbed back into the group. This happened several times, until I started to get irritated. Again, I tried to leave. But then, in a supposed turn of events, a sweet lady came up to me saying that she, too, noticed the flaws and that she agreed with me.
So I was drawn in again… and rather excited to have a rational conversation, finally.
But in the end, when I kept talking with her and trying to reach a logical explanation of the product, she ended up shying away and joining some other group. At this point, I became angry, and I went to the ‘front desk’, which had all men at it (where in the rest of the conference there were mostly women buying the product)… the ‘men’ were actually in charge, and I told them my thoughts. They looked at each other, and smiled… and said that if I could give them my car keys, they would fetch my car so that I could leave.
But as my car never pulled up by valet to the front, I became concerned and asked them if I could make a phone call on one of their cell phones (since I couldn’t find mine), and they happily gave me a phone.
I turned the phone on, but to my horror discovered that the only way I could make a call was through a porn site, so I quickly turned the phone off and became panicked. I ran to the front desk again and demanded my keys back. They smiled again, and said, “What keys?”
My anger became explosive, as I knew that I was now trapped in this building, and I ran to where all the conference people were and announced, “What you are doing is NOT good, it is BAD!” They all looked confused and said “What do you mean?” And I said (OK, get ready for dream language ;)) “You know, there is a good force and a bad force, and this is DARTH VADER!” (I still chuckle at that, how my brain used that example!)
They all looked at each other with eyebrows raised and chuckled… they had written me off as crazy.
I started to cry, and felt trapped, and felt that I would have to stay with these people forever… there was no way out.
But then I looked up and saw that the whole time, there had been a tinted glass door leading to the outside, unlocked, in full view… and I thought “Oh my goodness! All I had to do all this time was walk through the door!”
And I woke up…
Let me first say this… most of my dreams are showing up at a wedding and forgetting my shoes, or clothes in general, or forgetting baby somewhere, or being at prom and thinking, ‘wait, didn’t I already graduate high school?’ SO most of my dreams have no interpretation. But occasionally, I am blessed with a dream that sheds light on a struggle I am having. This could be divine providence, or it could also be that in my psyche, I already know the truth subconcsiously, and my mind works it out. I love when that happens. This is one of those dreams…
The building represents my ‘being trapped in a building’, that is actually in my head, by unforgiveness. I let go, I try to leave, but I get drawn back in. And my anger grows, and I relapse into thinking about those who have hurt me, when I had already thought I had forgiven them…
But all I have to realize is that the choice is mine, to “Walk Through that Door!” I believe somehow that they are holding me captive, but in reality, I have given THEM the keys to my forgiveness, instead of simply walking away myself. They have no power over me, unless I give it to them.
You could perhaps say I am a Jedi.
OK, please forget the Jedi comment. 😉 But there IS a good force and a bad force (good and evil, God vs Satan), and we do have to make a choice, even though sometimes we can fool ourselves into believing that we are victims without choice.
We can always choose…
Come with me, let’s walk through that door, let’s forgive…