A Hard Battle Part II

“Four eyes!”  “How many fingers am I holding up?”

The first time I heard comments like these as a young child in 1st grade, I wasn’t hurt, because I didn’t even realize people were making fun of me.  It took a good year (perhaps because I was thick-headed) to realize the other kids thought I was different.  Although some things were negative in my upbringing (more about that later), I was always told by my parents and family that I was beautiful and loved, in my sheltered home.  At school, however, when compared with the other kids, I was painfully skinny, pale, and had very thick eye-glasses.  Eye-glasses from the 80’s.  Huge brown frames… what ever inspired someone in the fashion industry to think that those were attractive on anyone?  Much less a tiny girl whose real face was hidden behind what were to become known in my family as the “owl glasses?”  Add to that the fact that I am very near sighted, making my eyes look like pinholes behind thick lenses.  Some people may have wondered if I even had eyes, and figured I was blind.  Hence the “how many fingers am I holding up” question.

And so I started to realize by the second grade that maybe I didn’t quite fit in.  Along with my “not worldly cute” appearance, I was also pretty awkward in my actions…  I related more with the boys because they were straight forward and non-dramatic, and I couldn’t quite get into all the girly stuff, like purses, movie stars, and hair braiding.  Plus, I didn’t even know any of the movie stars, or pop stars, because I was so sheltered from these things.  So when the girls started discussing Madonna at the lunch table, I ended up being more interested in whatever the boys were talking about, like scabs and archade games.

This definitely made me even more of an outcast.  “Ewwwwww!  Shal sat on a boy’s seat!” some squeaky little girl would say.  So in my head, I began to distance myself from these strange normal society creatures, at least in my head.  It hurt being alone and left out much of the time, especially since I was naturally out-going and wanted so badly to be accepted, but I didn’t know what else to do.  I had resolved that I was the biggest nerd ever.  And that would be how it was forever.

Until, that is, the girls started brutally making fun of someone else…

…to be continued…

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2 thoughts on “A Hard Battle Part II

  1. I always knew you were a beautiful girl. You mention about having “owl” glasses…funny thing, i never noticed them! I think we all have things that we wish we didn’t have growing up…mine was a long nose and i was skinny (Gee, wish i could say that now!). Now, being able to live in the moment, the owl eyes and long nose sort of things don’t really matter. Beware of people who only see our outsides and don’t venture into the depth of our hearts! May be if they had owl eyes they’d be able to see the real important stuff of who you are! I love you.

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  2. My dearest Aunt Reet… it was your love, my family’s love, and acceptance of me as a child that helped to shape who I am today… how can I ever thank you for that? God knew what He was doing when He made you my Godmother 🙂 I love YOU!!

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