So we moved to CT.  My mom & sister didn’t want to move.  They didn’t want to move AT ALL.  For them, it was worse than death.  This is where I have done a bit of healing because at the time, I obviously had no reference point, but now I have realized that when we moved, my mom was only 31.  So looking at myself when I became & passed the age of 31, I had alot of resentment toward her.  She became very spoiled, hated life, didn’t want to be there, made sure that she made my dad’s life a living-h—, and also decided to go to work full time.  It wasn’t fun at home.  And then, it wasn’t fun at school, either.  As the new outsider, no one wanted to befriend me.  I could not find one single person that was like me – the one who always befriended the new-comer.  It was awful.  My parents had a very, very rocky road the first 4 years there.  My mom would bring my sister & I to happy hour, and my dad assumed she had an affair.  To this day, she says she didn’t, but my dad never believed her.  Because of my terrible time in school, I decided to not go to the local public school, and to go to an all girls Catholic high school about 30 minutes from my house.  It was fun there, but I never really connected, I guess.

So, I went to college in RI, moved to NY State after I graduated, met my husband & we got married & moved to IL for 2 years.  We decided to start a family & when I got pregnant, we moved to PA.  We lived there for 9.5 years, and I had vowed to never move, especially when my kids were in 4th grade like I was when my world fell apart. We were happy in PA, and I totally get what you mean about the small-town mentality.  I liked it at the time.

Of course, God always has the last word with everything.  Now I don’t know if I cursed myself or not but… while we were in PA, my kids were in our parish grammar school and I was very involved in both the church & the school.  Suddenly, for no reason at all, I started feeling like my life wasn’t right.  I started hating all my involvement.  I felt over-involved, over-stretched, and over-exhausted.  I felt like the people really only liked me for what I could do or give to them.  These feelings came out of the blue.  Then I felt like I needed to homeschool.  On Mother’s Day of 2009, I made the final decision that it was God calling me and actually giving me all of these ideas that I can’t stand what I was doing.  So, now for why I think I cursed myself… in July, my husband came home & said that his boss wanted us to move to Georgia.  HAHA!  My oldest was just 10 the month before.  I was completely determined to NOT be like my mother & to have fun, think of it as a new adventure and be good to my kids and my husband.  And, as always, God has the best sense of humor because we fell in love with Georgia and I imagined spending the rest of my life there….. but my husband quit to start his own business.  There really aren’t too many opportunities in GA in his line of work apparently.  So, exactly 18 months after moving to GA, the only job my husband could find was in Maryland.  And guess what?  My first 2 kids are only 19 months apart.  So, not only did I move when my first was going into 4th grade, I moved again when my 2nd was going into 4th grade…. LOL!!!  Thank you, God, for making me realize that I’m not in charge.

So, here is where I don’t want to be.  Here is where I’m still challenged to NOT act like my young, spoiled mother.  Here’s where God apparently wants us, and I’m struggling.  And I know there are many reasons why God wanted us in GA, but I wish the stay could have been much, much longer.  I do not know why God wants us here in MD… stuck in this teeny, tiny apartment while we are waiting for our house to sell.  Stuck here where I feel it’s very hard to make new friends because we are still in transition–we will move again once our house sells (if it ever sells).  I need to find that new horizon in my mind, I guess.

God bless you!!!

I grew up in the military.

And that had many blessings… like being able to push a major ‘refresh button’ in life every three or so years.  We didn’t know what a ‘small town mentality’ was, and were open to making new friends all the time… I consider my upbringing in the military a blessing, even though it is a challenging life.

And so now, we are not in the military.  We have been in the same town for almost 11 years… longer than I have lived anywhere.  In a way, I haven’t been sure what to do with myself… there has been ‘no easy way out’ with simply moving and disappearing and starting over.  The same people are… still here.  And so am I.  It has been a real learning curve, but I also discovered a valuable gem that was hard to attain in the military life: long-term friends.  What a treasure!

But what about when I am sick and tired of the same little group, or they are sick of me?  What if there is a family that simply doesn’t like us and keeps slandering and just won’t go away?  What if we need to push that ‘refresh button’ but we are… well… stuck here?

I realized something… we are NOT stuck!  We can move!

MENTALLY!!!!

When we change our attitude and outlook, it is really interesting, but a natural ‘refresh’ seems to happen.  People that might be disagreeable, or even people that are wonderful but that we no longer ‘fit in with’ or that we have grown in different directions, groups that no longer bring us life (but once did)… when we change for the better, we can start to notice that those same people aren’t as attracted to us anymore, and in fact, the feeling is mutual… and we move on.

And amazingly, new people seem to pop into our lives without much effort.

I feel like we have moved… I have moved my psyche, my confidence level, my attitude, and my new location is beautiful and awesome.

And those friends whom I have had for years who have grown right along with me?  I didn’t have to give them up.  In fact, we are living in the same ‘town’…

Do you have a story about ‘moving’?  I would love to hear it!

I cannot begin to tell you how freeing and exhilarating it is to drive down the highway, new road ahead, wind blowing in your hair, new land and new scenery you haven’t seen before.  But you don’t have to move out of your house to find this, and you don’t have to be military…  You can simply jump into the convertible of your choice (mine has to be imaginary anyway, unless we can find a 10 passenger one ), turn on that engine, put your foot to that pedal, and DRIVE…. Sun shining, beauty all around, a new horizon…

Happy moving!

Blessings,

shalimamma

Greetings, my friend!!

Wow, what a week…  what a month…  There has been quite a mix of glorious happenings, mixed with bittersweet as well as just plain sad happenings… and we’ve barely begun the year!  I can tell this is going to be quite a packed year.  There’s even a solar storm going on right now, reflecting the turbulence of our times, I believe… Yikes!

This happens to be Sanctity of Life week, with the unfortunate anniversary of Roe V. Wade on the 22nd, the March for Life yesterday, and the tension in the air the government actually ‘tries’ to take away organizations’ and churches’ freedom to practice their faiths in the areas regarding life in the womb.  What are we to do?

I normally don’t get very political on my blog, as I tend to go with my hubby’s view that ‘before Kingdoms change, men’s hearts must change’, even as we vote the closest way possible to protecting the lives of all our citizens.

One organization which we LOVE is ManhattanDeclaration.org.  They stand for values that we believe best reflect our original Forfathers’ intent when they founded our country of the United States.  For those reading around the world, their values best reflect what we believe best protect and build up the basic building block of society: the family.

This week, in honor of Sanctity of Life week, they offered a poetry contest asking:  why choose life?  I have written a poem which I would be honored to share with you!  And if you like it, please click the ‘little like button’ at the top of the poem!  Thank you so much!

My poem, The Gift Received, can be found here:

Blessings,

shalimamma

PS  That little bundle of joy at the top of this post?  That’s Miriam, who’s now almost 20 months old! 

I know Christmas is over, but…

Is it?  He is born, He is a humble Babe, and although He sits at the Right Hand of the Father in Glory, He still reminds us every year of how He chose to come among us.  And isn’t He always being born anew in our hearts?

My little series on love and freedom would be incomplete without a poem I wrote during Advent of last year, when I realized the pride that had led me to where I was… and I realized the humility and sloppiness of the shepherds, to whom the Glorious Angels chose to appear and reveal the most amazing Truth… while the Pharisees most likely sat polishing their rings and bleaching their phylacteries.

The Baby Jesus came to us in a profound way this last Christmas… And being pregnant with a tumbling babe in my womb, the meaning if ‘his birth’ has an even greater and deeper impact.  And so, I would be honored to share with you my thoughts on His birth, which are not limited to Christmas, but will last for eternity…

Oh babe

in lowly cave

so accessible, approachable…

I thought I could

capture you

contain you

in my tiny manger of my ideas.

I thought you were to be found

in only one place

in one small way

I had the secret

and I was elite

and I had found ‘your prophet’

who said I was one of five favored…

How my pride secretly grew

and led me down a path

a clever one (of destruction)

the pride of those who are chosen

not the pride of those indifferent ones

… but pride nonetheless…

I thought I was too good for imperfect shepherds

and following sheep

who were sloppy, but saw angels, and quickly believed

and there you were

here you are

sweet babe

kicking in the womb

of my heart

saying ‘Stop worshipping man

but come to ME!’

and You broke the chains

once again

once again

and here we are

You and me

in simple cave

with mystery

(incomprehensible, humble) for everyone

and freeing me

from satan’s tyranny.

Rejoice, my soul…

Rejoice!

“Birth of Humble Victory” by Shalimar Masters

Copyright 2011