My Broken Rose,
Know first that I will always love you….even when you don’t see it. I love as best I can. I will never be the perfect daughter in law you keep locked inside your head, nor am I the she devil you make me out to be. I am somewhere in the middle, a broken human being stumbling under my own cross, sinful but struggling to be the best possible mother, wife and human I can be.
I am not afraid of you, even when you try so hard to hurt me. I am not going to let you hurt my family with your bitterness. I will still love you in spite of it. It isn’t my fault you are so unhappy. When you are ready, I am here to hug you, to talk to you, to help you if you ask me to. I do not force my way, or push. It is up to you.
I have never intentionally treated you poorly or disrespected you. I don’t intend to start now. I don’t see things the way that you do, that should not be a reason for this hatefulness. For where I have stepped wrong in the past I have apologized, I have done my best to change what I can. I am not too proud to admit there is room for improvement. I would prefer to speak with you in person if I have offended you so we can come to a true reconciliation, a mutually respectful conversation. I don’t appreciate manipulation, threats and venom in the cowardice of typed letters. Have the courage to face me, then we can work things out. Hiding in your bitterness does nothing for either of us.
I know you are sick, that Bipolar Disorder creates a darkness that you can’t see around that colors every memory, every perception until it lifts. I know that the hateful spew is part of your cycle, that you don’t remember the painful words you say or write in these fits, but they hurt. The barbs run so deep they build a wall of blades between us. I forgave you last time, but you hated me so much that you wouldn’t speak with me or even acknowledge your grandchildren or son for two years. I am praying this time will be different. I have already begun the journey of forgiveness but the wounds are still fresh and bleeding…it will take time.
Your imperfect, but devoted Daughter in Law,
The Hiland Rose