We’ve moved! … (figuratively, that is ;)
26 Jan 2012 3 Comments
I grew up in the military.
And that had many blessings… like being able to push a major ‘refresh button’ in life every three or so years. We didn’t know what a ‘small town mentality’ was, and were open to making new friends all the time… I consider my upbringing in the military a blessing, even though it is a challenging life.
And so now, we are not in the military. We have been in the same town for almost 11 years… longer than I have lived anywhere. In a way, I haven’t been sure what to do with myself… there has been ‘no easy way out’ with simply moving and disappearing and starting over. The same people are… still here. And so am I. It has been a real learning curve, but I also discovered a valuable gem that was hard to attain in the military life: long-term friends. What a treasure!
But what about when I am sick and tired of the same little group, or they are sick of me? What if there is a family that simply doesn’t like us and keeps slandering and just won’t go away? What if we need to push that ‘refresh button’ but we are… well… stuck here?
I realized something… we are NOT stuck! We can move!
MENTALLY!!!!
When we change our attitude and outlook, it is really interesting, but a natural ‘refresh’ seems to happen. People that might be disagreeable, or even people that are wonderful but that we no longer ‘fit in with’ or that we have grown in different directions, groups that no longer bring us life (but once did)… when we change for the better, we can start to notice that those same people aren’t as attracted to us anymore, and in fact, the feeling is mutual… and we move on.
And amazingly, new people seem to pop into our lives without much effort.
I feel like we have moved… I have moved my psyche, my confidence level, my attitude, and my new location is beautiful and awesome.
And those friends whom I have had for years who have grown right along with me? I didn’t have to give them up. In fact, we are living in the same ‘town’…
Do you have a story about ‘moving’? I would love to hear it!
I cannot begin to tell you how freeing and exhilarating it is to drive down the highway, new road ahead, wind blowing in your hair, new land and new scenery you haven’t seen before. But you don’t have to move out of your house to find this, and you don’t have to be military… You can simply jump into the convertible of your choice (mine has to be imaginary anyway, unless we can find a 10 passenger one 
), turn on that engine, put your foot to that pedal, and DRIVE…. Sun shining, beauty all around, a new horizon…
Happy moving!
Blessings,
shalimamma
shalimamma
coreythesailor
hilandrose
Jan 26, 2012 @ 13:23:09
Moving… it’s kind of a sore subject with me. I will give you the long version
When I was 10, my family moved from NJ to CT. The memory of my early childhood is excellent. I had great friends, and I think I was one of the popular kids in my class. I remember vividly that everyone liked me because I was nice to everyone else. I stood up to the bullies, and I included the outcasts. I think it was a good life (as well as my old memory serves me…LOL!! Of course, I would admit that I could be full of myself). So, when my dad got laid-off, and announced that the only job he could find was in CT, I was excited beyond belief. I thought how amazing it will be to have all these great, amazing friends in TWO states! I could spread my awesomeness around (it’s funny that I can still feel these feelings/thoughts 30 years later).
So we moved to CT. My mom & sister didn’t want to move. They didn’t want to move AT ALL. For them, it was worse than death. This is where I have done a bit of healing because at the time, I obviously had no reference point, but now I have realized that when we moved, my mom was only 31. So looking at myself when I became & passed the age of 31, I had alot of resentment toward her. She became very spoiled, hated life, didn’t want to be there, made sure that she made my dad’s life a living-h—, and also decided to go to work full time. It wasn’t fun at home. And then, it wasn’t fun at school, either. As the new outsider, no one wanted to befriend me. I could not find one single person that was like me – the one who always befriended the new-comer. It was awful. My parents had a very, very rocky road the first 4 years there. My mom would bring my sister & I to happy hour, and my dad assumed she had an affair. To this day, she says she didn’t, but my dad never believed her. Because of my terrible time in school, I decided to not go to the local public school, and to go to an all girls Catholic high school about 30 minutes from my house. It was fun there, but I never really connected, I guess.
So, I went to college in RI, moved to NY State after I graduated, met my husband & we got married & moved to IL for 2 years. We decided to start a family & when I got pregnant, we moved to PA. We lived there for 9.5 years, and I had vowed to never move, especially when my kids were in 4th grade like I was when my world fell apart.
We were happy in PA, and I totally get what you mean about the small-town mentality. I liked it at the time.
Of course, God always has the last word with everything. Now I don’t know if I cursed myself or not but… while we were in PA, my kids were in our parish grammar school and I was very involved in both the church & the school. Suddenly, for no reason at all, I started feeling like my life wasn’t right. I started hating all my involvement. I felt over-involved, over-stretched, and over-exhausted. I felt like the people really only liked me for what I could do or give to them. These feelings came out of the blue. Then I felt like I needed to homeschool. On Mother’s Day of 2009, I made the final decision that it was God calling me and actually giving me all of these ideas that I can’t stand what I was doing. So, now for why I think I cursed myself… in July, my husband came home & said that his boss wanted us to move to Georgia. HAHA! My oldest was just 10 the month before. I was completely determined to NOT be like my mother & to have fun, think of it as a new adventure and be good to my kids and my husband. And, as always, God has the best sense of humor because we fell in love with Georgia and I imagined spending the rest of my life there….. but my husband quit to start his own business. There really aren’t too many opportunities in GA in his line of work apparently. So, exactly 18 months after moving to GA, the only job my husband could find was in Maryland. And guess what? My first 2 kids are only 19 months apart. So, not only did I move when my first was going into 4th grade, I moved again when my 2nd was going into 4th grade…. LOL!!! Thank you, God, for making me realize that I’m not in charge.
So, here is where I don’t want to be. Here is where I’m still challenged to NOT act like my young, spoiled mother. Here’s where God apparently wants us, and I’m struggling. And I know there are many reasons why God wanted us in GA, but I wish the stay could have been much, much longer. I do not know why God wants us here in MD… stuck in this teeny, tiny apartment while we are waiting for our house to sell. Stuck here where I feel it’s very hard to make new friends because we are still in transition–we will move again once our house sells (if it ever sells). I need to find that new horizon in my mind, I guess.
God bless you!!!
Jan 28, 2012 @ 18:43:44
Wow, Missy, what a beautiful testimony!! Thank you for sharing such a personal story… I love your honesty (I think I may have said that before!
) I have been through several periods of darkness that seemed to make no sense whatsoever, and only in hindsight did I see there meanings…. I have had that feeling of ‘curse’ before, but I think that may be a temptation. I think the devil can convince us that WE are the ones doing something wrong to bring about disaster in our lives… however, even though we can bring on some of our downfalls, being flawed humans, many times it is simply the cross and the cross is always mysterious (i.e. ‘why me?’) When I look back and am truly honest, I see how some of my sin and flaws got me to where I was, but more often than not, I have noticed that I have also suffered because of my strengths and goodness…
It is so tough to be in transition! Moving, they say, has the same stress as a death! So can remodeling… lol! Not that that the two can be compared, but the effect on our psyches can be very similar…
I will be praying for you for the quick sale of your home! And, if you don’t mind, I would like to repost your story. You have many beautiful qualities, and even though you are in a period of darkness, I can see how much light you DO bring to others! I think the enemy has taken a special interest in you because of your sensitivity and humility (things he hates), but of course, God can kick his butt
… and WILL.
Love,
shalimamma
Feb 03, 2012 @ 15:06:16
My husband and I spent our Honeymoon moving to Southern California. My dream had always been basically, and I get criticized for this but I was comfortable admitting this was my dream: To follow my husband anywhere and do what it takes to help him. I just am not passionate about anything else. Recently I have decided that when my kids are older I will be a doula but even now that passion is so-so compared to supporting him.
The move to California was the first move (besides across town) I had ever made. We married straight out of High School so mostly I was excited. Also everything fell into place extremely well. I was home sick but mostly felt adventurous. Also we were so blessed. Our local parish was amazing. We met beautiful couples who took us under their wings, partnered with us to make a movie for the marriage group and just were a joy to have in our lives.
I had been working while my husband had worked and went to school. I was to become a Stay at Home Mom (our son had joined the family after 2 years of marriage) I lost a good job just before he graduated. I collected unemployment but we lived in a tiny one bedroom apartment that cost an arm and a leg and unemployment wasn’t cutting it at all. So I found a job in Colorado and my parents helped us moved. Mom even said it was an investment so she could have us closer, back to Colorado. It was a tough choice but we had to move to Colorado. That was the move that was hard on me. I was happy that there’d be family. But not the friends I had come to love and it frankly meant risking my husband’s ability to build a career.
Things haven’t gone well in Colorado. I’ll be frank. I have met some lovely people some of the closest friends I have ever had, enjoy being in my home state, having free babysitting by the best kind of sitters. But we’ve dealt with unemployment again. Now we have no idea what to do. It’s been an especially rough few months and it’s really testing our faith. I wanted to share but then I didn’t want to because it is so fresh and so painful, I mean we are still in midst of it all and it’s not exciting at all, like the move to California 8 years ago was. It’s just scary and I am terrified about what we may have to do, to do what we have to do and how it may be hard on my kids, my marriage and my faith. Even worse is not really knowing WHAT the next move is…