A strong warning for those who have children near by and for those who are easily offended. You might want to switch over to something nice and Christmas related… I intend to be straight forward with the truth here, and the content of this article will be provocative, graphic and maybe even a little scandalous.
“He can look all he wants, as long as he doesn’t touch.” words from a crass female client of mine back when I used to work behind a salon chair. A lot of people feel this way about Porn. As long as it doesn’t affect them directly it’s free speech right? Uh no.
Porn is a multi billion dollar industry that embraces abortion, illegal drug use, prostitution, helps spread venereal disease, and encourages sexual abuse of women, and children. News flash it hurts families. It’s more than just looking at dirty pictures, or that stash of magazines Dad hides in a shoebox in his closet that every one knows is there and thinks is funny. Porn isn’t just consumed by perverts, stoners and bums who people think of, hanging around outside x rated book stores and gift shops. Porn addiction strikes ministers, decent family men and women, politicians, pastors kids, rich or poor, young boys and old men. It’s worse than Crack, and it’s so accessible.
What can staring at pictures of sex acts and naked women really do to harm someone? It’s not like the guy is sitting at a stripper bar stuffing dollar bills in the garter of a naked woman, right? It’s not like he’s actually out there sleeping with these women or carrying out a crime, right?
Ask Jessica Ridgeway’s family, her killer, a seventeen year old boy…baby faced and shocked at himself in a police interview….Ask countless divorcees who’s marriages fell apart because a partner just didn’t measure up any more. Ask the thousands of victims of sex trafficking, youth exploitation and victims of child sex abuse. You could even ask me.
There is a leap from just fantasizing, to carrying out the act to make a fantasy a reality. I have to ask though, where do the ideas come from? How does a kid like Austin Sigg get the idea that strangling and raping a woman would be exciting, something he obsessed about? So much so, that he tried to kidnap a grown woman first, and failing that, took a child he knew? That is an extreme example, one that is still raw. One of the details released after his trial was that he had a hard drive full of porn on his computer. Most people don’t go that far, by the grace of God.
Porn is evil and so readily available….Most people don’t even have to pay for erotica magazines or the “dirty” stations on HBO anymore. It shows up in your inbox via unsolicited erotic emails, it calls from image searches for entirely unrelated subjects, it shows up in You-tube video searches and in free internet game menus, searches for things that are innocent… all it takes is the click of a mouse or the wrong spelling of a key word to be enticed into a sordid world where the only limit is your imagination and ability to stomach it. You don’t have to go looking for it, it finds you.
Pornography creates a fantasy person, that isn’t thought of as a person, but a tool a product. A consumer of Porn shops around looking for his idealized image of what an exciting sexual experience could be, a new thrill to aid in achieving his euphoria. After a while it gets stuck in the consumer’s head and interferes with his ability to see a real spouse as desirable. Even someone who understands the beauty and joy of conjugal love sees an end to a means on the screen and the shame prevents true intimacy when the opportunity arises in marriage.
Porn consumption hurts the spouse of the consumer deeply, especially when the consumer isn’t apologetic, or worse blames his spouse, accusing her of being frigid or not measuring up in other areas. The consumer then justifies himself based on flawed logic, that he deserves better than what he has. (a stretch considering what porn depicts, suggesting it is somehow better…) He feels he’s not technically cheating on his wife because the woman is a fantasy.
The thing with Porn though, it’s just like Crack, or Meth, what ever, it alters the brain. Sex isn’t enough after a while. To get that same euphoria, things get worse visually, or just looking becomes a “What if?” situation. How far is it from “just looking”, to “let’s spice things up in the bed room!” to “I’m bored with you.”? Now, how far is it from looking at grown consenting women and men engaging in all forms of nasty, to viewing children and fantasizing about the same? How much of a leap is it to go from watching sexual play, to viewing snuff shows to get a fix? How far before you want to feel what it’s really like to dominate a partner and cause pain to the point of euphoria? How long before you think bondage or needle play isn’t enough and you want to experiment with strangulation to enhance orgasm? You see, once the line is crossed over, where do you fall off? This isn’t just a young people’s problem, grown men and women make light until it’s come between them… or worse.
From the perspective of the spouse, especially in a relationship where everything else is as it should be, it is a devastation. It doesn’t even have to go past the occasional looking at pictures on a screen for it to shatter the wife of a consumer. As a woman, she gives herself in everything she does, mind body and spirit, especially in the bedroom, only to have her husband not do the same. It is just as bad as if he had acted on that fantasy with another woman. In truth, I almost wish in my case that it had been full infidelity, then I could confront her, and see what the hell she has that I don’t….I can’t confront my husband’s other woman, she is made up of a monster behind a fair face….an evil, older than man that walks behind the flesh. She is a fantasy woven of thousands of images and suggestions that no real woman could ever live up to, or would want to…. I hate her.
I hate her because she is a lie. I hate her because she is tearing my husband to shreds, emasculating him, while he thinks it’s just a bad habit, a minor addiction, (if there is such a thing) like smoking, something he can control and only resorts to when he thinks he can blame me for our problems. I hate her because she is real to him, real enough that she interferes with our intimacy and shadows every act of love with a temptation to perversion. I hate her because she is not content with stealing one man, but insists on having all of them, a whore who’s goal is the corruption of every male mind on the planet and the subsequent annihilation of human kind. Her name has changed, but I know her from the Old Testament as Ashtoreth, her partner, Moloch.
Pornography and her twin sister, Suggestive Advertising, permeate every form of entertainment, every product or service is sold using her…. there is no escaping the gateway… What’s worse, is that it turns sex into a selling agent, a tool or something disgusting and perverted. It makes double standards about breast exposure and breast feeding in public, it makes women slaves and cages us because expressing our femininity isn’t enough, we have to look like something we are not just to make initial contact, teenaged girls are told to be sexy because beautiful isn’t enough to land a man….It turns the beauty of sexuality, of our human form into something shameful to gaze upon, my greatest and deepest heartbreak as an artist, a mother and a wife.
Man up America!!! Keep your pants zipped and hit the confessionals! Moms and especially Dads raise your daughters to love and respect themselves and others, raise your sons to do the same. Open up about porn to your sons, many start consuming at the age of 12. Porn stars or housewives, we are all women, and we all deserve to be respected as such. Our bodies should be temples, not tools. (Unless a woman is deranged, masturbating in front of her is not considered a form of worship at the temple of the body… yuck!) Sex isn’t a commodity people, neither are children. Marriage is sacred and sex is too.
Wives, stand up to your husbands, call him out if you know he’s consuming. Don’t pooh pooh it, and don’t accept that it is some how your fault. When confronted most of the time he’ll say it really isn’t your fault or anything you are doing or not doing. If you have issues with intimacy, work on it, your marriage is worth saving. Don’t debase yourself and start consuming with him or trying to emulate what you think attracts him to Porn. More often than not, it isn’t your sexual relationship that he will point to as failing. It hurts, but you know, you have to fight for what is worth keeping. I am, I will not lose my husband without a fight.
Men, if you have a problem, get help… it is an addiction, just like to alcohol and cigarettes or heroine…. get help. Hang out with like minded men who can support you in your intention to stay pure. Your wife will thank you, and you might be surprised how nice the real deal is without all the smut in the way. For those of you wives who read this and might want to nudge your man toward healing check out this site, http://www.nofap.org, my friend recommended it to me for my other half. It’s an online community available 24/7 where men struggling with this can safely interact and encourage one another.
Hang in there ladies…. I reiterate, anything worth keeping is worth fighting for. I for one know my man is worth it, and so am I.
From my heart to yours,
The Hiland Rose